Pivotal Moments

It was a pivotal moment in my life, the first time the consequences of her cheating were there in front of me.

I've blogged about this before, my first wife cheated on me from almost the moment we started dating. Then again. And again. And again.

But this was the first time it was so blatant, where she didn't admit she was cheating on me, but made no effort to hide it, either. 

The illusion was maintained at first, the innocent "I'm just going out with some girlfriends."

But when she got home after midnight, not drunk, but tipsy, resisted my attempts at actual sex with an it's late and I'm so tired excuse but instead said, why don't you just lick me.

She lay back, lifted her skirt, spread her legs, and presented me with her soaking wet panties. "You...you're wet," I said, seeing the moist area.

"Lick me through my panties," she said, pulling me towards her.

Moving closer, I saw the mess, saw she wasn't just damp, but was wet, that she was soaked, that it couldn't just be her. 

Moving closer, I smelled it, not just her feminine smell, but something darker, danker, musk, masculine.

Moving closer, I realized she was making no effort to hide that she'd fucked a man, not just earlier, but recently, probably in our driveway.

It was a pivotal moment.

"Lick me," she grunted.

I was disgusted with her, disgusted with myself. "Please, can't we...can't I..." I begged, as if fucking her would different than licking her.

"Lick me," she said, "you know that's your favorite thing to do."

It was a pivotal moment and instead of rebelling, I leaned forward and licked her, licked the sticky, wet, musky mess, licked her cum soaked panties, licked her over and over knowing what I was doing.

It was a pivotal moment because I hated myself for it even as I did it weekend after weekend.

Pivotal because in a way, it taught me what I would do.

Pivotal because it taught me how a bad woman could treat me.

Pivotal because it taught me how a good woman could lovingly own me.