Year

 

"Have you thought about it?" Emily asked me.

"I...I don't know," I said, a white lie, since I'd been thinking about it all week.

"Sara," she said, a scolding tone in her voice.

"Whatever you think," I said, deflecting.

"Sara! I'm not telling you that you get to make the decision, I want to know what you think."

"I just...I don't think it's my place to decide," I said.

"You're evading the question," she said, "I'm not asking you to decide the time and place, when it happens, I'm asking your opinion...I want your reflections. Was it enough? Too much? Too predictable? Too unpredictable? I can see it in your face, you have thoughts."

"I...sometimes I wish it was more..."

"There's a but," she predicted.

"I don't know...sometimes I wish it was more often, it feels so...so good..."

"But?"

"But...but it's not feminine...it's not...it's not something..."

"Something a sissy should want?"

"Kind of," I swallowed. "I mean, every time you unlocked me, I loved it, physically, but mentally...I felt, I don't know, guilty."

She chuckled. "So you want it more but less," she said.

"Kind...kind of," I said.

"I feel like that's a you have to pick kind of thing," she said.

I bit my lip. "Less," I said.

"Less," she repeated, a small smile.

"Every time I was free I loved it, but I felt so much less feminine. After. Like for weeks. I liked the feeling during it, but hated the feeling after it."

"I feel like that's my fault," she said.

"No, Em, that's the thing, it's not your fault, it's no one's fault...it just is."

"So..."

"So what if we don't...what if you don't..."

"Don't?"

"Like...like for the whole year," I blurted out.

"Oh, Sara, you want to stay caged all year?"

"No," said, "no, I just...I mean...yes."

"You mean that?"

"Yes," I whispered, scared.

"No playing with it all year, no boy things all year, soft all year, feminine all year."

I nodded.

"What if you beg?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"What if you really, really want to?" she asked.

I shook my head again. "Just...just girl things," I said.

"For the whole year?"

"For the whole year."

"Just a girl for the whole year, not a boy once, not even once? Just my girl?"

I nodded.

She kissed me, soft, tender. "Just my girl for the whole year."

"Is...is that okay? I mean...if you think..."

She kissed me again. "I know you like it when I unlock you, I know how good it feels, but you know I prefer you girly and you're right, the longer you're caged, the more girly you feel...I can tell."

"So..."

"So the whole year then...can I make a suggestion?"

"S...sure," I said, oddly afraid she was going to say a whole year starting tomorrow. It had already been a couple of months and I was so mentally feminine, I was afraid to lose it. 

She laughed. "No, not that," she said, reaching for me, touching me. "I don't mean that."

I laughed too. "Sorry," I said.

"I don't want you starting the year off behind either. I was going to say, if it's going to be all year, I don't want you tempted...I don't want to be tempted..."

Oh, god, I realized what she was about to say, didn't know why I didn't think of it. "Emily..."

"He'd like it," she said, "I mean, it's like a promise to him, too, isn't it? Defined roles. And I don't mean in the safe, here I mean sending the keys to him, having him keep them."

"That...that would be so..."

"No cheating, no temptation, you know he'd keep us honest."

"The whole year."

"The whole year," she said. "Soft, girly, feminine, chaste, sissy for the whole year with our man making sure."

"I..."

"You can think about it," she said.

"I...I have," I said, "not the Evan part, but the rest."

"You can think about it," she said again.

I shook my head. "No, I mean...yes...the whole year."