New Years

 

"Happy New Year," Emily said as we hugged at exactly midnight.

"Happy New Year," I said in return.

At that moment, her phone rang, we both looked down, I saw a small smile on her face. "You should answer," I said, seeing the Caller ID.

"You sure?" she asked, meaning it, genuinely asking my permission.

I nodded. "It's New Year's Eve...New Year...he's your boyfriend..."

"I love you," she said, popping an AirPod in her ear.

"You want some privacy?" I asked, offering it to her.

She shook her head. “No, love,” she said, reaching for her phone, answering. "Hey baby," she said, a big smile on her face. 

I realized with her AirPod in, I could only hear her side of the conversation, not his. "Awww, Happy New Year to you, too," she said, making a sensual kissing sound. "Wish that was a real one."

“No, nothing special, just us girls cuddling on the couch watching a movie, you?" We’d put B to bed earlier, were downstairs, both in pretty satin loungewear, drinking wine, watching a Hallmark movie. You know, totally girly.

She giggled, looked at me. "I know, I was thinking about it, too. New Year's Eve 2006 was a long time ago. I knew I was going to get in trouble wearing that dress around you. Yea, I'd want to get in the same trouble right now, trust me."

She smiled at me, knowing exactly what I was thinking. New Year’s Eve 2006 was right before we started dating. Evan. Always Evan. I remember it clearly, we were getting to be good friends, were on the verge of our first date, but she had left town, spent New Years with him.

"I miss you, too. You're bad, but yes, of course I would. Eagerly."

“I don’t know. Finish our movie and go to bed, I suppose.” Emily looked up at me with a smile, listened. "No," she laughed, looked at me again, "trust me, it's better for all of us. Okay, I will. Again, happy new's years, baby, yea, hope to see you soon. Okay, good night."

I looked at her, felt a pang of jealousy. “You wish you were with him, don’t you?” I asked.

She gave me a guilty look. “What woman doesn’t wish she was with her boyfriend on New Year’s Eve?” she asked.

I swallowed. “You’d rather be with him,” I said.

She touched my hand. “I didn’t say that, Sara,” she said. “In fact, if I was with him and he asked me if I wished I was with you, I’d have said of course I wish I was with my pretty girl on New Year’s Eve.”

“But you’d rather be with him.”

“No, love, no. You’re missing the point. I wish I was with him, I really do. But it’s here I’d rather be. I want to be with him, I’m here with you.”

"What's better for all of us?" I asked.

"You know," she said, looked down between my legs. 

"Em..."

“It’s ironic,” she said. “He can’t fuck me because I’m not with him. You’re with me but can’t fuck me.”

“Emily…”

 “That’s not what sissies do, love.”

“I know,” I said.

“Soft, feminine. It’s better for all of us when you’re locked.”

“I…I know…”

"Forget the movie, let's go to bed," she said.

In bed, we kissed. “I really do wish I was with him,” she said. “I mean, I want to be here, I am here, but I wish I was with him, I wish he was inside me, I wish he was fucking me tonight.”

“Emily…”

“I love you,” she said with a deep kiss, “it’s you I love.”