Care

"I'm disappointed, Brian," our therapist said to me at the beginning of one of my one-on-one sessions with her.

"Disappointed, Dr. Landry?" I swallowed. "W...why?"

"Well, didn't we agree honesty is key to successful marriage counseling? Didn't you pledge to be honest with me regardless of what that meant?"

"I...I suppose," I said, "but I...I have been."

"Have you? An omission is just as much a lie as a lie itself, when the omission is material."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"At our last session, you said you knew on June first Ashley had been cheating on you, correct?"

"Y...yea. That's when her friend told me."

"At our last session, Ashley told me she went out on June fifth."

"I told you that, too," I said. "That Saturday."

"Yes, but you didn't tell me you and Ashley made love that night when she got home."

"We didn't...we didn't have sex," I said, "we haven't done that since, what, at least April."

"I didn't say you had sex, Brian, nor did Ashley. She said you made love to her. That you, I don't mean to be crude, but that kissed and that you massaged her and that you, well, how should I put it, orally pleased her. Is that true?"

I looked down, red faced. "I...I suppose," I said.

"But you knew several days before she was cheating on you, you knew she wasn't having a girls night out, you knew she was going out with her lover."

"I...I guess," I admitted.

"So when you...orally pleased her, Brian, you knew she'd been with her lover earlier that night."

"I didn't know, know," I said.

Dr. Landry glared at me. "Honesty, Brian."

"I mean, I...I suppose I suspected...maybe assumed."

"Yet you still orally pleased her when she got home."

"I just...I mean...I suppose..."

"Ashley said you were quite...what was her word...enthusiastic."

"I...I don't know what that's got to do with anything," I said.

"Brian, you knew your wife was going on a date with her lover. You knew she was going to...be with him, yet when she got home you reclaimed her."

"Reclaimed her?"

"For most men, a cheating wife is intolerable. Most men demand a divorce the second they find out. Some agree to counseling of course, but most cannot stomach the idea. By making love to Ashley when she got home, especially orally, you didn't send the message you were angry with her, just the opposite, you sent the message you were okay with what happened, perhaps even sexually excited by her infidelity."

"I...I didn't mean to...to send any message."

"Brian, honesty," she scolded me. "Now is the time for crudeness, just so we're clear. You're wife came home after fucking a man without physical protection...meaning no condom...she came home smelling of sex, tasting of sex, yet you pleasured her, orally. Not just making love to her like that, but doing so when you knew you were, well, when you knew her lover had been inside her, when you had to know you were licking not just Ashley, but her lover's, well...I don't want to be crude so let's be clinical...her lover's semen."

"I...I didn't...I mean..."

"You knew of course." I looked down, couldn't meet her eyes. "Honesty, Brian."

"Yes," I whispered.

"Yet not only did you pleasure her, reclaim her, you did so fully aware when you did you were doing so she was full of her lover's semen...wait," she said when I started to speak, "she was full of her lover's semen and when licking her you were licking that as well, correct?"

"Yes," I swallowed.

"Were you aroused?"

"Aroused?"

"Were you sexually aroused when you did this?"

"I...I suppose."

"You suppose? Were you erect? That's generally the tell. Were you erect?"

"I...I think so."

"Brian."

"Yes," I said.

"This is important, don't just gloss over it. You were licking your wife after she'd been intimate with her lover, aware she was full of his semen, and you were sexually aroused, erect. Correct?"

"Yes," I said, voice barely audible. 

"I can't hear you, Brian," Dr. Landry said.

"Yes," I said, looking up, a tear streaming down my face. I reached up, rubbed my eyes; she waited patiently. 

"Okay to continue?" she asked after a minute.

"Yes," I said.

"I think we established you didn't have sex with her that night, I mean traditional sex penis in vagina sex."

"No," I said.

"Did Ashley know you were erect? When you were licking her?"

"Did she know?"

"Depending on the position, a woman may assume but not know for sure. Sorry, if you were between her legs, you may be laying on your erection so she might assume but not know."

"I...she...she started on...on top of me and..."

"You were laying face up, she was, um, facing you or away from you."

"Facing me at first, then facing away from me."

"So she could see it? Your erection?"

"I...I assume," I said.

"Did she touch it? Do you know for sure she knew you were erect?"

"I...what's it matter?" I asked.

"It matters very much, Brian. In that situation, when a husband reclaims his wife in that way, orally, it matters if a wife realizes and understands her husband is aroused."

"She...she knew," I said.

"How?"

"She...she touched it," I said.

"With her hand or her mouth?"

"Her hands," I said.

"She took your erection in her hands?"

"Yes."

"Did she stroke you?"

"No," I said, thinking back, remembering her squeezing my shaft, massaging my balls, but never moving her hand up and down, never actually jerking me off. Just...every time I made her cum, she squeezed harder, rubbed my balls harder.

"Did she lean down...in that position a woman..."

"Yes," I blushed.

"And took you in her mouth? She didn't mention that."

"In her mouth?" I gasped. "She never...she doesn't like that."

"She's never given you a blowjob?"

"No, that's...she's never been into that."

"You kissed her, didn't you? That night?"

"Yes, why?"

"You must have tasted...you must have known she..."

"I know," I said, not wanting to hear it.

"Sometimes a woman needs a certain kind of man to do that," she said with some sympathy. "When she leaned over, was her mouth close to you? Close to your erection?"

"Yes," I said.

"And you wanted her to, didn't you? Take you in her mouth."

"I...of course...but she never...if I moved...you know...she'd move too."

"She didn't stroke you? Did you have a release that night?"

"A release?"

"Did you cum?"

"Oh," I said, "I...yes."

"How?"

"I...I touched myself," I said.

"In the bathroom or there with her?"

"With her," I said, horrified to admit it.

"With her panties?" Dr. Landry asked. "She said she handed them to you and you used them." My face was as red as it had ever been. "What?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

"She put them on your erection or you did?"

"I did," I looked at the floor.

"Where did she put them?" she asked. "Be honest."

"My...my face," I said.

"After you'd orally pleased her; after you'd tasted her lover's semen, right, so you knew then, didn't you?"

I nodded. "I...I knew."

"You sniffed them? Them them?"

"Yea," I nodded again, not looking her in the eyes.

"She was holding them while you sniffed them?"

"Yea," I said again.

"How?"

"How?" I asked.

"Did she casually put them on your face or arrange them in a particular way."

"I don't understand," I said, my first lie.

"Did she just drop them or put a particular part of her panties over your face. Just...let me ask it directly, Brian, did she put the crotch of her panties on your nose and mouth?"

"She...she arranged them," I said.

"So you could smell them both? Her and her lover?"

"I guess."

"How long? Meaning how long did she hold them on your face?"

"I don't know...a few minutes...maybe more."

"You were still aroused, I assume? Erect?"

"Yes."

"Was she holding your erection while she did this? Could she tell you were still aroused?"

"She...she held it the whole time."

"I assume you twitched...you know, your erection...I assume it was twitching in her hand so it was obvious you were aroused smelling them?"

"She knew," I said.

"And then?"

"Then?"

"Did you lick them? Her panties? She'd been with her lover; they smelled of them; I assume they were soiled as a woman's panties can be after sex as things leak from her, harden, crust over."

"Doctor, please," I begged.

"Honesty is important, Bryan, with me, with her. Did she see you lick the mess?"

"She said she told you what a good boy you were while you licked, and when she said it, you licked with more...gusto. Eventually you used the panties to stroke?"

"Yes...I wanted to...you know..."

"Enter her?"

"Yes. I asked, she said she was too sore."

"And did she keep whispering in your ear while you stroked."

"Yes, the whole time."

"Over and over again what a good boy you were until you squirted in her panties."

"Yes."

"Because you were aroused? Smelling and tasting her after she'd been with her lover. It's critical, Brian, for her to know it arouses you for her to have a lover."

"But she's cheating on me," I said, aware of my erection.

"It's not cheating if you know, it's not cheating if you approve. What's critical, Brian, is that she knows you're there for her, accept her, still love her. Every time she's with him, she'll look for you to care for her. Every time."