Fantasy Talk Part 9 - Tanya

Tanya, who always has good thoughts and questions and concerns, commented on Part 8 - Awareness, and rather than respond there, I am making a new post and responding.

Tanya said, 

As you know I'm also a deep thinker and was pondering the roles of Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

They obviously like one another, enjoy doing things together, going out together, leading to a sexual relationship. They obviously have feelings for each other.

All exactly as Emily/Evan.

However with Boyfriend/Girlfriend, expectations start to creep in - mixing with one anothers families, enjoying holidays with one anothers families, leading inevitably to moving in together or marriage or both. Love grows and is involved.

This cannot be Emily/Evan. Emily is happily married woman with family. She only gets to see Evan very occasionally when family/work committments allow.

So do the boyfriend/girlfriend titles apply ? I think Emily is satisfying Evan by giving him the title - and teasing you Sara

He is certainly the Alpha male in your relationship and I know Emily and Evan have feelings for each other, but she chose you Sara not Evan as a long term partner.

I feel special friend with benefits is more appropriate ??

Good questions, good points, good concerns.

Tanya is 100 percent right, there could be something very different about boyfriend/girlfriend that carries expectations way beyond what we'd be comfortable with. Boyfriends/girlfriends often have certain expectations...when he meeting my family...when is she spending holidays with me...when will we talk marriage.

Those are expectations we do not have.

When Matthew started to have those thoughts, Emily broke it off with him. As Tanya said, she has one family...me and the baby. There will never be another family, our three person unit is the one and only.

So, is boyfriend/girlfriend the right title?

I don't know. 

I saw online somewhere that cuckolding starts with a stable, loving marriage and extends that marriage to include a man who plays a specific, sexual role in the relationship.

Is "Special Friend" better? Is, as Tanya asks, "Special Friend with Benefits" more appropriate?

We told the baby she's his "Special Friend".

But when she talks about him, she calls him her boyfriend. I said it before, she admits it, she has feelings for him; he has feelings for her. But not like she has with me.

In a way I have to trust her. I did with Matthew. I do with Evan. He has a special role.

I think calling him her boyfriend does satisfy him and yes, she also does it to tease me.

In a way, the term makes both Evan happy and me happy.

Evan gets a possessory title. I get the tease of knowing my wife has a boyfriend.

Special friend with benefits is what he really is. 

Alpha is what he really is. 

He's not her boyfriend in the way a real boyfriend is.

But, for us, he's her boyfriend. And she's his girlfriend.

Those terms are manna to me.

When I think of him, in my mind, what is he? He's her boyfriend.

If it was someone safe and they asked me, hey, who is this Evan guy? What I'd like to respond is, He's Emily's boyfriend.

So we use those terms.

Boyfriend/girlfriend.

But we are also using "Special Friend" too.

When it's just us, she calls him her boyfriend. And refers to herself as his girlfriend.

For others, special friend.

But he has a very special role.