Fantasy Talk Part 8 - Awareness

I was thinking about Evan and his part in Emily's life, my live, our lives, our marriage, and had a realization.

She went to him the month before we got married. Went to him, spent the night with him, gave herself to him. A month before we married, my wife gave herself to him.

I remember her saying, "It's the last time I'll be able to see him before we get married," when she told me she was going to spend the night at his house instead of a hotel when she was going out of town.

That is, before we wed, she wanted to a last time with him as a single woman. A last time being taken by him as a single woman. The last time giving herself to him as a single woman. 

A last night with Evan as a single woman. Not a last night. A last night as a single woman.

Looking back now, I understand it wasn't about "last times" at all. Maybe none of us understood it then, maybe all of us did. It's hard to know given that there was a time he wasn't part of our lives. A time when he went off and got married. When Emily had other men in her life. 

But here we are, Evan, bookending our marriage. 

He took her right before we married. And he takes her now.

Did he know? Did she?

Was he, back then, establishing his dominance over our marriage? Did he realize it? Did she? Did I?

Maybe.

The woman he cared for, tried to have, did not pick him, the obviously masculine, dominant, alpha man. Instead she picked me.

And while he may be tried to have her for himself, that as before. Curiously, he didn't try to stop her from marrying me. 

He had her before she married me, but he let her go off and marry me.

I find that fascinating to ponder. 

He had feelings for her, he clearly cared about her. Then and now.

Did he know then? Did he understand why she picked me?

I asked her more than once, why me, why not him.

"I could never be with him," she's told me consistently.

"But you have feelings for him," I challenge her. "He has feelings for you."

"Yes," she said, "I don't deny either of us has feelings for the other." She said this recently. "I care about him and he cares about me."

"Yet, you picked me."

"And continue to pick you," she said. "I picked you when Matthew developed feelings. I picked you when Jeff was an ass. I always pick you."

"Why?" I asked, knowing but still wanting to hear it.

"Because, love, whatever feelings I had or have for him, he satisfies a fleeting need; you satisfy a permanent need. You're the day in and day out companion I want."

I mean, I knew that; know that.

"He'll never try to take you?" I asked her. "I mean, is that ever a risk."

"I suppose that's an unknown, Sara," she said, "but he never did. His chance was before we got married and he didn't."

"It's odd."

"That he didn't try to stop me?"

"Yes, but that's not what I mean. It's odd that a month before you got married, he wanted a last fling with you."

"Seriously?" she laughed. "That's odd that a man who I'd been involved with on and off for years wanted to fuck me?"

"That he didn't try to stop you."

"It isn't odd, love, he knew he could never have me like that. If he had, he would have lost me, just like he lost his ex-wife. As it is now, he gets me the way he can have me."

"I remember being so anxious," I said, "I was actually worried he was going to try to stop you from marrying me."

"Love, that would never have happened, surely you knew that."

"I was still worried about it."

"Yet you didn't try to stop me, either," she said. "You let me go to him."

"It's what you wanted," I said.

"It's what you wanted, too," she said. "Don't be coy, you wanted me to go to him one last time as a single woman."

"It was like...like he was marking you," I said.

"Marking me?"

"Marking you, marking our marriage."

"Oh, Sara," she said.

"I mean it," I said, "he sent you to be married only after he had you one last time...as a single woman. It's so..."

"Alpha," she smiled. "Yes, I suppose it is."

"I wonder if you would have reconnected if he hadn't done that. I mean, I can't help but wonder if he wondered, if he knew, like...like he was claiming part of you, staking out, like, like saying, I can marry you but I get you with his mark on you."

"Does that bother you?" she asked.

"No, the opposite," I said.

"I know, love, I know."

"And now, all these years later, it's like he's reclaiming what he marked back then."

"This is about the keys," she intuited. 

"Yes," I said. "It's like a literally payoff."

"I don't think he planned it out that far, love," she said.

"No, I don't either; I guess I'm saying he planted the seed."

"Literally," she smiled. "Did you think about it, when we got married?"

"Of course," I said. "You...you went to spend the night with him a month before."

"And what did you think? When you saw me in my wedding dress?"

"What do you think? That a month before you were with him. God, Em, it was like he was standing there."

"Except he let me go. He may have marked me, but he let me go."

"It was like I got you but on his terms, Em."

"My terms, too," she said. "And on terms you were happy with."

"I agree," I said.

"And now it's his terms, too, isn't it? That's what you think. He marked me all those years ago and now he's involved you, too. Is it too much?"

"No, Emily, that's part of it. I always felt inferior to him."

"You always were, as a male, but not as my lover."

I sighed. "I know."

"Every time I go to him, I come back to you."

"I know that, too. But marked again."

"That's the point, isn't it? He's the alpha, of course he marks me."

"But now..."

"I know...he marks me, physically, inside me. I assume you like that."

"You know I do," I whispered. There was nothing more thrilling to me than a man doing that to Emily, except it was a thousand times more powerful when Evan did it. "I...I like when he...you know..."

"When he?"

"F...fills you," I said.

"When he cums inside me?" she teased.

"Yes," I whispered.

"That's how he marks me, love, how he did before we got married, how he does now. That thing you don't do, that's how he marks me, that's how he claims part of me."

"And now he's got the keys," I said.

"Controlling that part of you."

"Emily..."

"When I'm with him, love, I feel it too. Like I'm the lioness giving herself to the leader of the pride. And when he's inside me, I want it so badly, I want to entice him, I want to submit to him, I want him to take me, I want him inside me and I want to make him cum, I want to feel him filling me, marking me."

"You mean it."

"Of course I mean it," she said. "Because when I come home, when I'm with you, I like seeing your reaction, I like seeing you sniff me, lick me, taste me, knowing Evan marked me, knowing that smell, that taste, is his, that he's marked your wife."

"Emily, I...I can't..." I mumbled, dizzy.

"You wanted him to hold the keys, love, you wanted that, why?"

"I...I want him to be in control," I said.

"I know. And now when I come home marked by him, there's nothing you can do, you can't try to re-mark me."

"It's like he's always been in control," I said, "even when you drifted apart."

"But no more, Sara. I mean, he's in control, unquestionably."

"I know," I said, "I know. It's like it couldn't have been anyone else."

"I don't think it could have been," she agreed.

We sat quietly for a few minutes, both lost in our own thoughts. Finally, she reached over, touched my panties. "Do you want me to ask for them back?" she asked.

I bit my lip. "I...I don't know," I said. "I...I don't know."

"You don't have to."

"What do you want?" I asked her.

"To be honest, I don't know either. Like this, it's like, I don't know..."

"Like he's here with us right now," I said.

"Yea," she nodded.

"Like even not here, not controlling us..."

"He's still in control," she said. "I can't wait to see him."

"I know," I said, "I know."

"I missed him," she said. "I didn't realize it, but I did. I think I was looking for that same feeling with Matthew and couldn't find it without Matthew falling for me. And then I tried with Jeff, and it was worse."

"He marked you," I said, "it's like this is the only way."

"He'll never try to make me leave you, you know that."

"Yes. And I know you never would."

"I proved my loyalty to you three times, Sara. In October before we married, with Matthew, with Jeff. But I like having him in my life...I like having a man in our lives. Even if he's not here with us every day, in a way, he's here. Every pride needs a leader."

I laughed.

"What?"

"Pride. You know, male lions are often absent, off defending his territory."

"And the lioness is in charge when he's away. I like that, too."

"But a pride kicks out other males."

"Good thing, then, there are no other males around," she laughed. "Just think of it like the pride, then. Day to day, the lioness is in charge."

"I know," I said. "But he's the alpha."

"He is, he is."

"I like when he marks you," I told her.

"So do I, love, so do I."

"I don't know...if he hadn't...before we got married..."

"I don't know, either. But he did."

"Yes, he did."